Update

So, firstly I wanted to apologize for not writing sooner. Mind, I don't know that I have very many readers, so it might be that I am just apologizing to myself for not actively honoring the side of myself that needs to write.

But be that as it may, I think I'll give my readers the benefit of the doubt and begin with an explanation. I try only to write when I feel I have something to say, and lately I have not felt at all like I have anything to say, let alone anything positive to say -- which is the state in which I try and keep this blog -- but on further exploration, I suspect that I may be suffering from homesickness, so I shall talk a little about that.

Homesickness while abroad is something colleges tend to acknowledge but don't tend to be very helpful about, unless it is to help you to a therapist . . . now, don't get me wrong, therapists are very valuable BUT those records are kept for 7 years and there's not much they can do to help with homesickness anyways.
In my experience, there are two types of homesickness, one feels something like the flu, in my experence. You feel like you're going to throw up because your stomach aches so badly. You can't think of anything else and there is this grand physical pain that you feel. You cry -- and then you laugh at how stupid you're being -- you cry again, and you feel a panic spread throughout your body.

I don't get that kind of homesickness now, but I did as a kid. This sort of homesickness is really easy to spot. But there's a different sort as well, the kind that only now am I realizing may be more prevalent than we may realize.
I used to sort of think of it as missing home -- aching for the place and being filled with nostalgia, but none of that weepy, panic-y stuff. I've now realized that this home-missing can be a sort of homesickness too -- only, you pine away.

If you only sometimes find yourself thinking wistfully of home, that's healthy. But if you find yourself retreating away from the present? That's homesickness. If you find yourself depressed, with a lack of luster of life? Homesickness. If you are fault-finding and just generally down? Homesickness. With Facebook and Skype it is really easy to keep living your old life -- but without physically being there. And this is an issue for you, because it means that you aren't living in the here and the now.

Speaking for myself, I know I am guilty of this. I am so afraid that if I lose even some connection with my family and friends, I will freeze, go into "real" homesickness. So I stay, living two lives.

Is this the best way of doing things? I don't know. I love my connections back home. But is it too much? Likely.

I think we are given the message homesickness is for babies, that adults (or the college equivalent) aren't supposed to miss their families.

We are given the message that if we were strong enough, we would deal with this and how dare we complain since we are in London/Paris or wherever? Is there some specific person giving us this message? No. I believe we give it to ourselves. And it is something reinforced by society.

When we get this feeling of withdrawal, we get depressed and, at least for me, my creativity gets stuck and I start watching endless runs of cartoons.

So, there is my brief explanation because I think it's important to acknowledge that depression hits all of us, even against our best efforts. And all you can do is acknowledge it, deal with it (to the best of your individual ability), and try to keep moving.

Best,
~ Emery

P.S. Hopefully, will upload Photos and more traditional blog-ness soon.